Dale Carnegie’s Lifetime Plan for Success: How to Win Friends and Influence People & How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This book’s title is so very easily misunderstandable. It’s sort of like all the conspiracy theory videos out there. People will catch a wiff of “global elite” or “federal reserve” and will turn their noses straight up in a matter of seconds. Conspiracy “sceptics” have poisoned so many wells, its a miracle that remote villages the world over haven’t yet been completely wiped out.
The reason its title is so misunderstandable is because, similarly to the alleged conspiracy theorists, it alludes to techniques and practices used in picking up women or something; devious hypocrisies of socially challenged, sad little people that practice their speech in front of mirrors and reduce human contact to rules and habits; strategists of human contact that know about as much of real bonding between people as a typical child knows about chickens from its early rearing on McNuggets.
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In a nutshell:
Six Ways To Make People Like You
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other man’s interest.
Make people feel important, and do it sincerely.
Twelve Ways Of Winning People To Your Way Of Thinking
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get people saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let other people do a great deal of talking.
Let other people feel that the idea is theirs.
Try honestly to see things from the other man’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with other people’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Nine Ways To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other man.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other man save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
Give people a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make other people happy about doing the thing you suggest.
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Mr. Dale Carnegie in his book that gave birth to the self-help genre is suggesting, simply put, that we care about others. That’s about it. A little active interest can go a long way, whether its for other people’s sense of pride, problems, aspirations or interests. If “How to Win Friends and Influence People” does something excellently in its quaint, ’30s American way of dealing with things, is to show how in our self-centredness we forget how much we like other people treating us since we so often refrain from doing it ourselves.
The awesome thing about the list above is that the book doesn’t suggest you do these things just to win others over and be likeable, it doesn’t tell you: “OK you loser, this is what people like so you better do it. Of COURSE I know you hate being kind and interested in others, you’re a self-obsessed bastard like all of us, time to quit acting like a loser and be a champion”. No. That’s the end, or course: improving the quality of your social life; but the means is being a better person in all honesty, someone who others would like to be with and share things with because, damn, it’d be worth it! What can ever be wrong with that? In fact, we see so little of the above these days that suspicion is immediately raised when people seem to be genuinely interested in others. What can I say? Let’s stick to being nice for a change and see what happens!
After reading this book I didn’t come out thinking that I knew how to better “make people like me”, “win people to my way of thinking” or “change people without giving offense”. I don’t even want to make people like me or win people over; I just want to be kind to others for the pure joy of it! In all actuality, I now feel that the titles above are there only to lure unsuspected people in and help them, by the end of the book, get over the limitations and close-mindedness of wanting to “change people over to their way of thinking”.
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