Blue Moon

Last December had two full moons. Popularly, a second full moon in a single month is called a blue moon, even if that is not the correct definition (check here for more details). This moon rose on December 31st and set on January 1st. It was a full moon that connected two years. Or should I say, it connected two decades? I find it strangely symbolic that the last day of the year and decade just happened to be a full moon day… It was surreal going out to see the fireworks and having the huge light in the sky illuminating everything.

Somewhat obscure gaming reference FTW!

I will not treat the turn of the decade as time to contemplate change, look back or act as if starting today the world’s going to be different in some sort of way. It is still too early for us to even be able to say what the decade we just left behind us will be remembered for, let alone compare it with the fresh new one that’s just a signle day old. I will thus spare with the retrospective craze about how the past decade changed our lives. All I have to say on that is that every change made during this decade was sort of transitional… We ain’t seen nothing yet (sic).

My refusal to look back in sets of tens does not mean that I do not want to see what last year brought, however. It was certainly a full and interesting year for me. I’d like to take you to a sort of new year’s resolution I wrote last year, “More and Less of 2009”. This year’s “More and Less” will consist of all that I did not manage to do during 2009. I’ll give it a go:

More movies, more games, more languages, more activities, more biking, more photography, more people, more travelling, more new experiences, more love, more animals, more beauty, more cooking, more reading, more knowledge, more stars, more planets, more cleaning, more housekeeping, more real working, more specialisation, more subtitles, more cubimension, more music, more peace, more awareness, more spirituality, more science, more history, more dreams, more thoughts, more tea, more vegetables, more cake, more e-mails, more writing, more art, more friendliness, more phone calls, more letters, more enjoying the moment in the right way.

Less procrastinating, less shyness, less lazyness, less internet idleness, less msn, less stupid spending, less sleeping till the afternoon, less caffeine, less absent-mindedness.

These are my personal wishes for 2009.

Alex: You forgot more sex. And more anime. You forgot less facebook too. Less flies too! Yiek!Enloying the moment in a right way eh?..Dunno if you wishing this to yourself ooor you’re trying to tell me something… :P

More movies: I guess this is kind of a pass. I’m doing the whole kinimatografiki thing together with Garret, I’ve watched my fair share of movies in the past year… There’s definitely a lot more in my”want to see” list on Flixster, but is there anything out there really for which this can’t be said? I mean… not on my “want to see” list on Flixster, generally speaking…

Honourable mentions: Kubrick Month, District 9, Dogtooth, Some Like It Hot, The Shawshank Redemption, Inglourious Basterds

More games: Hmmm… my overall “games played” meter in 2009 is fairly similar to, if not lower than 2008’s. I did sign up for Game 2.0, which is good, but I feel that I haven’t played enough games that I’ve been aching to play. I’m up to the neck in music games, if that’s any development. I even  got more of an acquired taste in strategies!

Honourable mentions: Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts&Bolts, Victoria, The Longest Journey, Modern Warfare 2, Peggle Nights, Luxor, StarCraft

More languages: My go at learning Japanese crashed and burned and I’ve made little progress with German…next question!! :/

More activities: That’s a check in many different ways.Theatriki, Kinimatografiki, Fotografiki, being out a lot, I have the distinct impression I’ve been pretty active, thank you!

More biking: um… R.I.P.

More photography: That’s a check as well! Just have a look at my Flickr for the results! :}

More people: Yes, met many new people this year but got to know few. This one’s up in the air as is always has and always will be I guess.

More travelling: Turkey, Peloponnese, Kerkyra, Rodos… Good, but I don’t think it can compare to 2008 in any way, many plans died out or haven’t been realised yet. But there’s much hope for 2010, I’ll tell you that.

More new experiences: Always on the lookout! Many experiences I shall cherish forever.

More love: That’s a tough one. I’ll say check, even though I’m not sure if everything I have in mind is aspects of love or something else entirely.

More animals: Does the army of cats on the watch outside my apartment count? 😛

More beauty: Just like new experiences, always looking for more!

More cooking: FAIL UNLIMITED! 🙁

More reading: Hmmm… I give this one a hearty check. In the past 12 months I read many books that I’ll remember for years to come. Coming in contact with Saramago, Gaarder and Mazower are no small matters.

More knowledge: Yes! I I owe this largely to Despina Catapoti for being the best prof ever and leading me to planes of gnosis I always wanted to visit but I wasn’t aware of. Cultural studies, postmodernism, philosophy were all redefined in my head.  I feel like my mind has opened even more.

More stars: I don’t have a telescope… yet… but it’s been a fine astronomical year with many a starry sky and gazing alone or in good company.

More planets: If this is astrology (I don’t remember), I’m now feeling a bit mixed on the issue.

More cleaning/housekeeping: This has reached an all time low… For shame.

More real working: I made my first real money in 2009, which is great. Game 2.0 or my EAA Museum and other uni projects also count and I stand proud!

More specialisation: …hm… nah.

More subtitles: Yes indeed, I did some and I was paid for it. Moar plz.

More cubimension: Another healthy check and it’s getting better!

More music: Not many new bands came into my attention this year, but I’ve been listening to music, yay! 😛 Buying The Incident in Special Edition is something I’m not sure I regret yet.

More peace: No, I wasn’t in peace for much of last year. Good or bad? I cannot tell.

More awareness: Not very successsful, many a time did I let my wandering thoughts cloud my perception of the present. Not a good thing.

More spirituality: I’ve been trying to delve into the secrets of eastern philosophy… Tao and Physics is an excellent book on the subject, but Tao is so deep and mistifying I’m confused and left in awe at the same time. Somewhat healthy.

More science: Web Science Conference?! Hehe, well I’ve been reading some pop science books, if that counts…

More history: Yes yes! Playing Victoria, reading Mazower and looking into alternate histories, listening to Despina talk…

More dreams: After “Counting Sheep”, my take on sleep was briefly something completely different and new. Now I’ve somewhat subconsciously returned to my bad old take of “sleep cuts away from your waking time”… I must make it a point to follow some online lucid dreaming classes.

More thoughts: I’ve been thinking…

More tea: I got this huge bag of tea from Ayvalik (which cops mistook for half a kilo of weed…) and I still haven’t made any of it. Maybe I’m still recovering from the tea overload in Turkey. Or maybe my boiler is kaput. No wait, it is.

More vegetables: uh, I don’t think I’ve been eating any more or any less… I shoud make a habit of making salads a la mama though, they’re downright awesome.

More cake: fail. Or is it?

More e-mails: And all to the same handful of special someones as last year. Pah, no good. 😛

More writing: Judging from my surge of cubimension interest, that’s a positive.

More art: I’ve done my part. That collage for Alex and a lot of digital art tidbits… I know I can do better though.

More friendliness: I think I might be going well with this. Might.

More phone calls: and to whom, I wonder… But you know that I dislike phones!

More letters: I don’t think I wrote a signle one.

More enjoying the moment in the right way: I… think I got that one. Or maybe not. Or maybe both. Or maybe it’s too hard to tell as a rule. Or maybe I’m still trying to do it.

Less procrastinating: No one ever entirely gets away from this one… But it is the goal.

Less shyness: I’ve seen myself be very shy and very not shy. Soooo…

Less lazyness: I think I’m less lazy than usual. Yes.

Less internet idleness: Working on that one but I think I’ve made some progress.

Less MSN: Considerably.

Less stupid spending: …yes, but I still turn out with less money than I calculated. Maybe the definition of stupid has simply jumped around.

Less sleeping till the afternoon: …to which I’ll add: less going to sleep after dawn!

Less caffeine: HAH! Good one!

Less absent-mindedness: Hmmm. Yes.

More sex: Quantity-wise or quality-wise? It makes all the difference in the world.

Less Facebook: I managed to deactivate it. TOTAL SUCCESS!

More anime: Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of One Piece. But where’s my Cowboy Bebop?

Less flies: Less flies, I agree. And less cockroaches please!

~~


November

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It all began when They realised Their time together meant less and less. They loved eachother, that much was obvious. But was it enough? Could it be that their passion was in danger? “I love you” was so easy to say, so truthful, it meant so much but implied so little. Even when they bridged Their physical distance and met again, armed with what They thought were new experiences that would bring balance to everything, it made matters worse; nothing had changed. They could not let Their relationship rot away due to routine and perfectly fulfilled expectations… Something had to be done to stir things up a bit. And when, after they separated, each headed to their own little island She told him of how She had already taken the step. She had mentioned it while They were Together, but He had not managed  to feel it into His skin at the time. But then She told him of the step that had left everything behind and at the same time preluded infinity. From now on They were truly free to do as They wished with anyone, as long as They kept Their own relationship intact. And this is how It started.

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Before learning of Her step he had observed and contemplated, but the new developments had made the plan clear in His head and had blown confidence, power and decisiveness into Him. Decisiveness to execute the plan and get the girl, despite all odds. He thought that if he went according to his honest wishes, everything would go according to this plan. And thus He set it into action and He did carry it out flawlessly. Or at least everything pointed towards that at first. Little did He or anyone know that The Killing would be the result of this grand scheme… And he was happy and satisfied in His success, just as He would love the thrill of rushing down a speeding river right before the waterfall.

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Even before all of this had even begun to form, He had promised to visit Her in Her new life. And so He did. Together They practiced ultra-romance, bringing a supposedly known type of human interaction to unknown extremes. Many thought of what They did Together as sick, inhuman, not the result of pure love but a twisted, self-conscious kind of thing. But how can an act of pure feeling survive in a society where the sick, inhuman and twisted acts are frowned upon unless done underground? Under “special occasion”? When anybody indulges in these acts out in the open, it is natural for them to become a target, a scapegoat… This ultra-romance was not, consequently, a stable situation. Warnings had been given by the rest of society about how it would ultimately bring Them down. Twice They survived almost-fatal internal strife, which in turn brought Their peak of ultra-romance. He, in the end, would end up getting caught in the devastating whirlpool of social reconciliation, easily influenced as He is. Now everybody else was to teach Him a lesson and teach it to Him for good.

DrStrangelove4

It is always the unpredictable factor that takes anything stable to brutal instability. Just as it takes only the push of a single button for two huge nuclear arsenals to destroy the world. His new-found love interest did not enjoy this ultra-romance bullshit, nor did she like the fact that she was part of a grander scheme or a plot, even when she was cherished through it. “I’m never going to get used to it! I don’t want to hear a single thing about Her!” With a single move of breaking ties and flipping the finger, she would set up the scene for the End War to take place. He would not let go, He did not want to let go; it could not be that His plan had gone so awfully wrong, His ultra-romance been this misguided and worse still, misguiding. It could not be that society had been right… but right about what? He could not make it out. He decided to end it with a bang, to take the chance, to go all out for what He desired. Just like taking a chance with a nuclear war… like saying: “Is MAD (Mutual Assured Destruction) really the only possible outcome”? Could it be possible that He might win something by making the move? Surely, it’d be true that he would not have faltered, he would not have cowered in fear when the time to take the risk did come. He took the seemingly brave step. He took the plunge riding His proud atom bomb all the way to hell. The result?

We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when,
But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day.
Keep smiling through, just like you always do,
‘Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

What did He expect? To win a nuclear war just because He struck first? He lost everything, He won nothing. Everything lay in ruins, nuclear fallout everywhere. The idea of the goal, of Vicktory, so forcefully spitting in His face, and His image of Her just as destroyed in His eyes as His own in Hers. He had ridden the bomb, taking the chance and risking the world… And He was shot down in a million mushroom clouds. The idiocy of such a war, the whimsical, spontaneous decision to consciously destroy everything that matters… Yet…

Can it be true that He won nothing?

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To create is to destroy. But what you create is, thankfully, not dependent on what you destroy… Sometimes, radical changes have to be made for something new, productive, better to emerge. This fact is what all revolutions are based on. The initial result might have been devastating, heart-breaking… but, as it goes:

Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn’t really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I’ve felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I’ve been pretending I’m OK, just to get along, just for, I don’t know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.

Source (note: He played this monologue last week for the uni Theatre Group).

He has seen the possibilities of the blank canvas.This canvas is not white though. It is a radioactive shade of gray. It’s still blank, however. Blank and ready to draw on. His memories of the time when the world was beautiful, the things that really count, are all intact. He can recreate it, if He wishes. He can make it even better now, the experience having made Him richer. He can make a whole different kind of world. It all depends on Him now. What woeful glee!

What are the chances of a post-apocalyptic world reaching a transgressive state of being?
They can’t be too slim.

http://www2.aegean.gr/kinimatografiki/?p=3