Πόσο εύκολα είναι όλα με την Google στο τσεπάκι μας!
Δεν χρειάζεται ξανά να αμφιβάλλουμε για το οτιδήποτε· η Αναζήτηση Google μας έχει μεταμορφώσει ήδη στο υπέρτατο hive mind (πώς λέγεται αυτό στα ελληνικά; Κυψελική νοημοσύνη;) Δεν χρειάζεται να ψάξουμε χάρτες· το Google Maps ξέρει όχι μόνο πώς να πάμε εκεί που θέλουμε να πάμε, αλλά και πού θέλουμε να πάμε, σχεδόν πριν το ρωτήσουμε. Δεν χρειαζόμαστε μεταφράσεις όταν το Google Translate γίνεται ο διερμηνέας σου σε πραγματικό χρόνο.
Καλά όλα αυτά, ενδιαφέροντα, αλλά δεν ξέρω για σας, εγώ όμως βλέπω γύρω μου και στον εαυτό μου ανθρώπους λειψούς, που κομματάκι-κομμάτακι λησμονούμε την αξία της συγκεντρωμένης σκέψης πάνω σε ένα ερώτημα ή ένα πρόβλημα, πώς να διαβάσουμε έναν χάρτη ή πώς να χρησιμοποιήσουμε το μυαλό μας ώστε να μεταφράσουμε από μια γλώσσα σε μια άλλη.
Δεν ξέρω για εσάς, αλλά νομίζω ότι υπάρχει μια σύνδεση μεταξύ αυτών των αλλαγών, εξελίξεων, αναπηριών, όπως θέλετε πέστε τις, και του ότι, παρ’όλο που δικαίως μπορούμε να υποθέσουμε ότι είμαστε οι καλύτερα ενημερωμένοι άνθρωποι που περπάτησαν ποτέ στη γη (ό,τι και αν σημαίνει αυτό) είμαστε και από αυτούς που περισσότερο πασχίζουμε να βρουμε την ευχαρίστηση στην καθημερινή ζωή. Πώς να μην έχεις κατάθλιψη αν έχεις μεταθέσει σε μπουκίτσες την ίδια τη ζωή σου σε μικρούς τεχνοσκλάβους;
Είναι άραγε τυχαίο ότι εμείς οι digital natives (ψηφιακοί ιθαγενείς;), εγώ πρώτος στην σειρά, είμαστε αυτοί που έχουμε το μεγαλύτερο πρόβλημα να βρούμε τι θέλουμε να κάνουμε με τη ζωή μας, ενώ η προφανής απάντηση, το να τη ζήσουμε, φαντάζει όσο παραδοξική όσο η απάντηση σε ένα κοάν;
Στο μέλλον η Google θα οδηγεί για μας, θα δουλεύει για εμάς, θα βλέπει για εμάς, θα θυμάται για εμάς, θα φωτογραφίζει για εμάς, θα μιλάει για εμάς, θα σκέφτεται για εμάς, και φυσικά αφού με όλα αυτά θα μας ξέρει πια απ’ έξω κι ανακατωτά, θα μπορεί να αγοράσει για εμάς. Θα στερηθούμε ακόμα κι αυτή τη χαρά της ζωής, αυτή την υπέρτατη ανθρώπινη ψυχοδηλωτική πράξη της ύστερης καπιταλιστικής εποχής!
Αυτό που μάλλον αναρωτιέμαι είναι: πόση ζωή θυσιάζουμε για πόση ευκολία, και είναι άραγε αυτή μια δίκαιη συναλλαγή ανταλλαγή; Πώς θα μπορούσαμε άραγε να εξηγήσουμε με όρους που θα καταλάβαινε η Google την χαρά της δημιουργικής αντιμετώπισης των μικρών προκλήσεων της καθημερινότητας; Αν ήμουν στο κρεβάτι όλη μέρα και με τάιζε, πότιζε, ξεσκάτιζε και μου ικανοποιούσε κάθε πνευματική επιθυμία πριν καν μου έρθει μια τεχνητή νοημοσύνη πιο έξυπνη από μένα, η ζωή μου θα ήταν σίγουρα εύκολη· πόσο ζωή όμως θα είχε απομείνει;
The simple fact of the matter is that I’m sick of the internet.
Got your attention?
I’ve been wanting to write this post for the past several days. It came to me when my laptop stopped working for a day, and I was somehow relieved that I had an excuse not to check my e-mail, my facebook, follow through with my obligations. In truth, I think I’ve wanted to write this for the past several years, but the time was never just right – or I was not ready to take things seriously.
Now the time is right. I know because I’ve had this heavy feeling in the greater area of my heart and stomach all day, the same bodily sensation I get every time I get the urgency to publish something important for me. In fact, it’s the exact same feeling I get before I ask a girl I like out, have an exam coming, or need to make a phone call to somebody I’ve never met before. It’s the flinch, but it’s funny how a simple sudden need to write something makes me experience the same physical reactions to insecurity, the knowledge of what’s to come, the question of whether it will be accepted or rejected (tell me again, which one’s worse?)
Before you say anything, I know. I know all that. All of it. I’ve had my life shaped by being online, guided by it. If there was a poster child for this brand new technology 30 years ago, I could have been it. I even studied the thing in university, both from a more theoretical, humanistic perspective and a drier, technical approach. The only reason I believe I might not be the most suitable person to talk about it today is that every day, to I’ put it politely, I’m becoming less of a fan.
To give you a rough idea of how long I’ve been a user, I have had access to the internet generally available to me since I was 8 years old – my father’s 28.8kbps with GroovyNet. That meant web surfing about twice a month on the weekends I used to spend with that side of my family. All I would search for on AltaVista or Yahoo would be related to Nintendo, Mario or Donkey Kong. I’m talking about 1997 here.
I’m not going to say more about my own personal history and milestones of net use (i.e. when I made my first e-mail address, when I first had a net connection of my very own, my first online game, my first download from P2P networks or my first social network account, even the first post on this very website), for the very simple reason that, for the majority of my life, these internet-related milestones had been so closely connected (heh) to my real-life history, that any attempt of recording or writing about them would be like trying to write something about my life the past 15 or so years in general. The boundaries between online and offline life would be arbitrary. It would be like a book no-one wants to read, because they have their own sitting right next to them.
I won’t go into details about how the internet is important today, either, but I will do a rough run down. We all know about it more or less: it’s the fastest growing (tele)communications technology in the history of our species, at least as far as we know; it has created new dynamics in virtually every field, accelerating change in unprecedented rates and paving the way for greater shifts yet; it has proven a disruption in the status quo, an experiment gone wild, an almost unharnessable beast with inner workings that global capitalist, democratic, free market societies weren’t prepared for and still don’t know how to manage.
For human communities and communication, it’s been the culmination of all human inventions to this point, the convergence of all human endeavours to create this network of everything, everywhere, a single entity that contains the entirety of our heritage and makes it available to all. It’s the connection of anybody with anybody else. In 20 years – less! – we’ve created this thing, this pulsing, vibrating cybernetic superconstruction that would make science fiction writers of just 30 years ago pee themselves with excitement and anticipation. We live in the future!
How do you, personally, feel about that? Do you realise what important times we live in? Speaking for myself, writing the above gave me a rushing sensation, just for a second there. It was surprising, to tell you the truth: the net nowadays has been making me little more than numb.
Which brings me to my initial point. I’m sick of it.
Rant incoming.
I’m sick of Facebook. Sick of everybody obsessing over themselves so much. Sick of selfies, sick of cries of attention which are answered by other, louder cries for attention. Sick of how our stupidity, our short-sightedness hasn’t been cured or at least lessened by our newfound ability to communicate more efficiently than ever, but instead we’ve inadvertently used these tools to make stupidity travel harder, better, faster, stronger.
I’m sick of having to think about checking my multiple e-mail accounts, their unusually high number explainable by my taste for playing around with nicknames and forever tranforming identities, and my peculiar distaste for comfortably centralising my communications. Call me also slightly paranoid – I’m sick of that too. I’m sick of having to worry about not replying as soon as possible, sick of “not having checked my e-mail” not counting as an excuse anymore. Who cares if I really don’t have a smartphone – for how much longer still unknown?
I’m sick of the routine of it. Checking the same site again and again, the pointless refresh. If I’m going to do something in the morning, why does it have to be checking the false news of a false world on a website full of shills paid to swerve public opinion this way and that? Do I really need to know what’s happening, all the time, if I can only ever remember so little of it, talk about less of it and act on almost nothing of it? If the net is the most democratic medium we have, what happens when, after everyone and their grandmother has facebook and can make their comment and opinion public for all to see and be somehow influenced by, the same shit we experience in everyday life is copied to the web?
I’m sick of a web, a “democracy”, where trolls set the scene and have the upper hand, sick of pitiful little men that externalise their social anxieties and complexes in a space that can’t really harm them, being the driving force in some of the worst cybercultural phenomena we get to see online. But I wish it was just trolls: I’m sick of everybody’s self-centered non-trolling opinions, too. If we give everyone a voice online, we should be able to call the bullshit. But why do our bullshit detectors work so much less effectively online than in real life? Isn’t it a little bit like the mere fact that somebody’s doing something online, it’s given more validity than if it were done offline? Is that just the novelty of the medium that will soon pass? It’s no wonder @AvoidComments exists and that some sites have disabled their comments features altogether…
I’m sick of people smugly declaring they don’t have a television when asked if they’ve heard of the news on this or that celebrity, but they spend more time watching Youtube videos or TV series than they ever spent on watching classic old WeTube in the past.
I’m sick of writing “I’m sick of”, so I’m going to externalise and project a little bit here.
How do you feel about having to stack up against the whole world with your creativity? How many times have you had a great idea but did nothing to make it happen, because the thought that “somebody else must have done it already” killed it on the spot, and to make matters worse, you googled it just to be sure and somebody else had already executed it 5 times better than what you had even conceived of, sending you even farther down that internal pit? How does that make you feel? Why?
When was the last time you talked to each of those tens of Skype/MSN/whatever friends? Are you still interested in what they’re doing? Would you consider that the internet is bringing you closer to them?
How about reading? What was the best article you read the past week? The past month? No, you’re not allowed to look up your browser history. Go on, tell me what it said. What’s that? You can’t?
The pictures you have online, things you wrote a while ago, all that… Do you ever consider that people looking up your name have access to that and can paint a mental picture of who you are now based on who you were 5 years ago? In another 5 years or 10 years from now, these numbers will have skyrocketed. Do you want that? How does it make you feel? For me it used to be really stressful that somebody might have the wrong idea of who I am (I have some form of social anxiety IRL about being misunderstood and rejected, which translates in interesting ways in the webosphere) but there’s increasingly nothing I can do and I’ve just sort of embraced the fluidity. You can’t win them all anyway. I suppose you just have to live with your everything being public and always be appropriately mindful of your actions online.
All this makes it very hard to disown things you did and said in the past, however. We’re not allowed to purge, which is I think very normal behaviour we should be encouraging more, and neither are we allowed to change as people; if we change we instantly create inconsistencies across the various existing representations of us online. If I wish to stop using the name cubilone, for example, because I no longer identify with what the name carries with it, who will be the tens of cubilones you can find on the web?
Talking about public, have you been finding it more stressful to decide what you should be sharing and what not? I have been very bad with sharing lately, and don’t consider most details about my current life as worth sharing with others, including things I would definitely post here in the past. Remember, though: I’ve had the ‘mension for almost 7 years. Who’s not to change his or her habits in that time?
But no, I’m talking also about sites like Tumblr, Pinterest etc. Sites that force the whole damn interestnet (read that again carefully) down your virtual gullet before you’ve even had the chance to blink/chew. Tumblr especially is excellent at making you insensitive to beauty. Time and time again I’ve caught myself and others scrolling down the feed, giving a split second of attention to pictures that under different conditions would have made it to our desktop background. What happened? Have we forgotten to stop and appreciate? If we haven’t yet, I reckon we’re well on our way down that path.
I’ve talked and written about the web and infinite novelty before but, as you can see if you click on that link, I wasn’t able to limit my susceptibility to it in the 7 months that have passed since the post above. It’s a dangerous thing that can silently devastate a mind such as mine that feeds on new ideas and connections and is always on the lookout for the novel and the untried. Indulging myself in infinite novelty feels right, more or less because surrendering myself to it is one of my strongest habits, but at this point I think it’s time I admitted that it’s poisonous for my creativity and my ability to concentrate; it’s detrimental for my already distracted personality constantly spread thin, and it’s bad for my mental health, my relationships and happiness in general.
Does any of this resonate with you at all?
Good. It’s time we did something about it, don’t you agree?
I’ve decided to do it the hard way, since everything else I’ve tried to this day has more or less failed. I will use the internet less – I will force myself to use it less. Everything: skyping, downloading, facebooking, e-mails, checking up on that book I learned about earlier in the day, writing on the blog, working on my sites… Everything.
At this point, I want to make it clear that I don’t think the internet is all bad. It’s an extremely powerful tool that can be used to do incredible things, spread world-changing ideas or just help people keep in touch, and it’s very practical, too. I’m not saying we should forfeit all the great things the internet has brought in our lives – at this point we can hardly turn back, anyway. What I’m trying to say with this post is that the power of the internet has to be harnessed. One has to be smart about using it and not surrender oneself to its siren song. I believe that by dramatically limiting my access to it I will be in the position to use it more purposefully, and I believe so would you.
My internet access days will be Wednesdays and Saturdays. I might add another day or two for emergency Skype calls that can’t be avoided, but generally, this will be it. I will keep it up for at least the next 24 days, the duration of the rest of my 7×7 challenge, but I aim to keep it up past that point.
This is a personal experiment, but I wish to find other people to join me in this quixotic quest. Will you take a stand with me, friends?
This book was the first one I finished on my new Kindle, a fact which, in combination with its contents, makes me feel kind of tainted, like knowingly eating dolphin meat or something; posting a sincere review of it here after reading about Goodreads and what happened a few months ago feels in turn like I’m writing about my experience of eating dolphin meat while giving it a star rating. But I’ll go through with this, because it’s not dolphin meat.
I knew that Amazon acquired Goodreads last year from the moment it happened. From the first second I knew what it would mean for Goodreads as a website, as a social network, as a resource. But I didn’t budge. I’ve seen this happen so many times before: great websites or ideas turn “evil”, my beloved CouchSurfing being the most prominent example I can think of right now; I went on, for what could I have honestly done as a single person to stop things, change things, make the guys at the head of CouchSurfing or Goodreads realise that what they had done meant turning on their community, the people they owed all their success to? Should I have changed my profile and alerted people of the fact? Shold I have jumped ship?
I’m still very far from being sure about what the best course of action should be, the perfect balance between convenienve and idealism, both in my offline and online lives. I have wanted to join BeWelcome, the best alternative to CouchSurfing, for example, but I feel as if I have invested too much time to the latter to make a change like that. At the same time, CouchSurfing has become so bad that it has naturally lost me as a user, something Goodreads hasn’t achieved -yet-, but then I’m not a social user of the site and I’ve never felt part of any community in it, unlike most of the people who contributed to this book and were alerted to and alarmed by the changes mostly because of that involvement.
I wasn’t even aware of the censorship before I stumbled upon an abandoned “beacon” profile which had most of its details replaced with anti-Goodreads messages and promotion of Off-Topic. You could say that it was an efficient strategy, because the message eventually reached me, the oblivious user – or I should say, I reached the message.
Having now read the book, I realise I’m supposed to do something with this information, right? But is there anything I can do which would mean anything? Should I make my small revolt against Goodreads, when it was on myKindle where I read this book – complete with Amazon-powered Goodreads integration that doesn’t work as I had imagined it would? Should I move my reviews to BookLikes, like some people did? Why use a social network at all, if I’m ready to give up the convenience of the site for some vague ideology? And at the very end, if to enjoy a free service online, you become the commodity, can there be any escape at all from the sudden-death ToU?
I have sadly become cynical over the years, especially about online activism. I see a lot of people being very sensitive and idealistic on the web but with a seemingly loose grasp of reality. They think that because CS or GR seem friendly and tailored to their own needs – social networks are made to give this impression, after all – that they, alone, can make a difference, just by spreading the message. Often, but not always of course – because there are some people whose character is such that they react very strongly to things like that from all sides – cyber-activists can double as happy, obedient citizens/consumers with a straight face, which boggles my mind. When people get so worked up about these changes that they actively quit sites, I don’t know what to think. On the one hand, their determination and bullheadedness is admirable – it really is. On the other hand, I don’t see what kind of alternative they’re imagining and, most important of all, how they can make sure that their alternative can remain as pure, idealistic and humble as they imagine their perfect social network to be. How they can make sure that the new place will stay better than Goodreads before the natural moral entropy of the web forces them to find their new digital Zion.
But I’m grumpy today. A storm in a teacup can bring about good things and I’m grateful that there are people out there who don’t overanalyze themselves out of any sort of action, meaningful or not.
Τις τελευταίες μέρες απλά δεν μπορώ να ησυχάσω. Eίμαι συνεχώς στην τσίτα, λες και κάτι μέσα μου είναι ανεκπλήρωτο. Αν θέλω να είμαι πραγματικά ειλικρινής με τον εαυτό μου, κατα βάθος τα πράγματα είναι έτσι εδώ και χρόνια. Ελπίζω ότι γράφοντας τα παρακάτω θα με μπορέσω να ξεφύγω για λίγο από την τρέλα μου και θα δω τα πράγματα αλλιώς.
Στις 7 Ιανουαρίου φεύγω για τη Βουλγαρία, όπου θα μείνω για 9 μήνες για να κάνω το EVS μου στην κεντρική βιβλιοθήκη της Σόφιας. Είμαι ενθουσιασμένος για τις πολύτιμες νέες εμπειρίες και την αλλαγή στην καθημερινότητα που θα μου προσφέρει αυτή η ευκαιρία – μετά από 2 χρόνια στην Αθήνα, ήταν νομίζω καιρός! – όμως η απόσταση μου απ’την Δάφνη βαραίνει την καρδιά και βρωμίζει τον ενθουσιασμό. Θα είναι μια καινούργια περιπέτεια, με νέες συγκινήσεις, θέλω να σκέφτομαι. Όμως αυτός ο χρονικός περιορισμός δημιουργεί μια ασφυκτική πίεση.
Συνεχώς πρέπει να γεμίζω τον χρόνο μου με κάτι για να νιώθω ότι έχω αξιοποιήσει τη μέρα μου όσο το δυνατόν «καλύτερα». Έχω σετάρει το HabitRPG μου (το οποίο τώρα είναι στο tavern εδώ και 3 μέρες), γράφω ένα-δυο morning pages (τις περισσότερες μέρες τουλάχιστον), προσπαθώ να κάνω πράγματα τα οποία θα με κρατήσουν μακριά από τον υπολογιστή, πιο κοντά σε φίλους και αγαπημένους ανθρώπους και τον δικό μου δημιουργικό εαυτό. Ξανά και ξανά όμως αποτυγχάνω. Αγοράζω κάθε μέρα παιχνίδια στα Steam Sales και όσο περισσότερο χαζεύω τις προσφορές, τόσο λιγότερο παίζω. Έχω βάλει στο reddit όριο αλλά χαζεύω άλλα sites. Όταν με καλούν φίλοι για να βγούμε, γκρινιάζω γιατί θέλω χρόνο μόνος μου – και συχνά, όταν τον έχω, δεν τον κάνω αυτό που ήθελα να τον κάνω αρχικά.
Νιώθω τόσο πνιγμένος από το πόσο μικρές είναι οι μέρες και το πόσα θέλω να κάνω, πόσα πράγματα πρέπει να αφαιρέσω από το νοητό checklist – γιατί το να έχεις ένα πραγματικό είναι “πιεστικό” – που όλο αυτό μου έχει δημιουργήσει άγχος, stress, την αγωνία να είμαι πάντα ο καλύτερος που μπορώ να είμαι… Κι έτσι, το να κάτσω και όντως να απολαύσω ένα βιβλίο, μια ταινία, ένα game, μουσική, μια βόλτα, ένα δοκιμάσω κάτι νέο ή άλλα πράγματα τα οποία με γεμίζουν κανονικά όταν είμαι μόνος, γίνεται πια μια διαρκής απορία: χρησιμοποιώ τον χρόνο μου με τον καλύτερο δυνατό τρόπο;
Άλλα τρία βιβλία για το Goodreads Challenge 2013, για να φτάσω τα 45 βιβλία – ξεχνάω ότι δεν είναι παρα ένας αριθμός. Tουλάχιστον 3 παιχνίδια που θέλω να τερματίσω πριν φύγω – γιατί μετά ποιος ξέρει αν και πότε θα μπορώ να παίξω στο λάπτοπ; 305 διαφορετικά πράγματα που είναι «στην λίστα μας» με τη Δάφνη, από βόλτες με άγνωστα λεωφορεία με τις φιλμάτες μας μηχανές μέχρι ταινίες που θέλουμε να δούμε, Breaking Bad, fondue ή στέκια που έχουμε πει εδώ και μήνες να επισκεφθούμε μαζί για το Spotted by Locals, τώρα που υπάρχει λίγος χρόνος ακόμα… Ο οποίος πιέζει όλο και πιο ασφυκτικά, και όσο πιο ασφυκτικά πιέζει, τόσο γκρινιάζεις ότι δεν μπορείς να αναπνεύσεις και στην πραγματικότητα δεν κάνεις, δεν αναπνέεις, δεν αφήνεσαι!
Δεν είμαι έτσι κανονικά. Δεν πιστεύω στα γεμάτα ημερολόγια και στις ατζέντες, στον αυστηρά κατανεμημένο χρόνο για μάξιμουμ αποδοτικότητα, στο παραγέμισμα κάθε λεπτού της ημέρας για να μην πάει ούτε μια στιγμή χαμένη στη μαύρη τρύπα της απραγίας! Είναι ένα σκοτεινό μονοπάτι που εύκολα οδηγεί στην τρέλα, όπως πολλοί πολιτισμοί της Δυτικής και Βόρειας Ευρώπης κι όχι μόνο, που λειτουργούν υπο ένα τέτοιο καθεστώς, μπορούν να μας δείξουν. Θυμάμαι τη Μόμο και τους γκρίζους άντρες, μερικές φορές, όταν κάνω αυτές τις σκέψεις, και νιώθω ακόμα περισσότερες τύψεις που έχω πέσει σε αυτή την παγίδα.
Kανονικά πιστεύω στην τεμπελιά, στην ανεμελιά, στο πρόγραμμα το οποίο φτιάχνεται μόνο του και προσαρμόζεται στις συνθήκες και στο πώς έρχονται τα πράγματα. Γενικά πιστεύω στη ροή, στο ρεύμα (the flow), το οποίο με κάνει ακόμα πιο αγχωμένο τώρα: τι έχει την καθημερινότητα και τις ανάγκες μου αφύσικες; Πρέπει να είσαι ένας άκαμπτος άνθρωπος για να μπορείς να ακολουθήσεις ένα αυστηρό πρόγραμμα, και δεν θέλω να είμαι αυτός ο άνθρωπος, παρα τα όποια οφέλη, τα οποία αν με ρωτούσατε τώρα ποια είναι δεν θα μπορούσα να κατονομάσω.
Ξέρω όμως από πού προέρχεται αυτή η βιάση, αυτή η αδυναμία χαλάρωσης, αυτή η απόγνωση του «ΠΟΤΕ ΘΑ ΤΑ ΚΑΝΩ ΟΛΑ ΑΥΤΑ;;;» Είναι φυσικά το Ιnternet.
Πόσο συχνά ακούτε τα τραγούδια που ποστάρουν οι άλλοι στο facebook; Εγώ σχεδόν ποτέ, εκτός κι αν πρόκειται για ένα τραγούδι από κάποιον που ξέρω ότι έχει γούστο παρόμοιο με το δικό μου και επιπλέον δεν ακούω κάτι εκείνη τη στιγμή. Πόσο συχνά σας προτείνουν φίλοι media προς κατανάλωση – ταινίες, βιβλία, παιχνίδια, μουσική, σειρές… όλα αυτά τα οποία μας διασκεδάζουν, μας κάνουν να σκεφτούμε αλλά και δεν μας αφήνουν να σκεφτούμε ή να δημιουργήσουμε – και πόσο συχνά βλέπετε προτάσεις μέσα από το web; Με το Internet, ξαφνικά όλοι, είτε βρίσκονται στον άμεσο κύκλο σας, είτε στον ευρύτερο, είτε συνδέονται μαζί σας μέσω της κοινότητας στην οποία ανήκετε (δεν έχει σημασία αν είναι το φετιχιστικό σάιτ με φυστικοβουτυροφιλία ή κάτι όσο αθώο όσο το tumblr ή το deviantart), όλοι μπορούν να σας επηρεάσουν με το άρθρο τους, τα ποστ τους, τις κριτικές για τα αγαπημένα τους βιβλία.
Αν κάτι υπάρχει, υπάρχει στο νετ, κι αν κάτι υπάρχει στο νετ, ανάλογα τα σάιτ που μπαίνω, μου δίνεται φάτσα κάρτα στο πιάτο, στη μούρη, όλη μέρα, κάθε μέρα. Ξαφνικά πρέπει να διαβάσω όλα τα βιβλία που αρέσουν σε όλους, πρέπει να πάω στα μέρη που προτείνουν όλοι… Υπάρχει τέτοιος πλουραλισμός που ξεχνάμε, κι εγώ πρώτος απ’όλους, οτί απλά δεν γίνεται να τα κάνεις όλα. Είχα αναρτήσει κι ένα άρθρο εδώ σχετικά με αυτό ακριβώς, και με βοήθησε να το ξεθάψω: The Sad, Beautiful Fact That We’re Going To Miss Almost Everything.
Ψάχνοντας στο reddit (ναι ναι, ούτε καν στο ποστίο μου δεν μπορώ να συγκεντρωθώ, εννοούνται αυτά!) για θέματα σχετικά με το παραπάνω άρθρο, έπεσε η ματιά μου σε αυτό το πολύ καλό το οποίο περιγράφει αρκετά καλά την περίπτωση μου, γιατί το περισσότερο άγχος μου για κάποιο λόγο δημιουργείται κυρίως από τα games. Ο τύπος ανέλυσε το γιατί μια χαρά (ειδικά αν λάβετε υπ’όψη σας και το τι διάολος είναι το Steam): Steam Library Fatigue
Πριν λίγες μέρες είχα ξυπνήσει με πολλά πράγματα στο κεφάλι μου. Είχα να κάνω το Skype Call με το Εμείς κι ο Κόσμος για τη Σόφια, δεν είχα προλάβει να γράψω τα morning pages μου και για άλλο ένα βράδυ έπρεπε να βγω (νομίζω ότι μέρος αυτού του άγχους είναι ότι έχω περάσει το πολύ ένα-δυο βράδια μόνος, ή έστω στο σπίτι, τις τελευταίες δυο βδομάδες). Αντί να είμαι ευγνώμων που τελικά έχω την ευκαιρία να βλέπω τους ανθρώπους που σύντομα πλέον δεν θα μπορώ για αρκετό καιρό, γκρινιάζω έτσι… Τραβάτε με κι ας κλαίω: απ’τη μία είμαι μοναχικός και γουστάρω, απ’την άλλη θέλω περισσότερη επαφή…
Τέλος πάντων, βρέθηκα με τον Φάνη και του εξήγησα γιατί ένιωθα αυτό το άγχος. Αναγνώρισα σε αυτά που είπα και που είχα ανάγκη να του τα πω ότι υπάρχει ένας ψυχαναγκασμός σε αυτά τα συναισθήματα. Κι εκείνος μου το είπε: «είναι απλά παιχνίδια, χαλάρωσε. Και τα 45 βιβλία είναι ήδη πολλά!»
Η απάντηση μου: «Δεν ξέρω αν είναι πολλά, κάποιοι στο Goodreads διαβάζουν 100.»
Τσουπ! Να το πάλι: δεν μπορώ να σταματήσω να συγκρίνομαι με ό,τι υπάρχει εκεί έξω και να μου δημιουργώ άγχη τα οποία ίσως εκφράζουν το μόνιμο και υποβόσκον κόμπλεξ κατωτερότητας μου. Ψάχνω τι θα καταφέρει να δείξει -περιέργως πρώτα στον εαυτό μου- ότι είμαι σε μια καλή πορεία και δεν χάνω ευκαιρία να βελτιωθώ. Θέτοντας το έτσι ακούγεται σχεδόν άρρωστο, όμως είναι γεγονός. Το πρόβλημα μου δεν είναι ότι ψάχνω κάτι το οποίο στο μυαλό μου θα με κάνει καλύτερο ή ισάξιο με τους άλλους, αυτό από μόνο του είναι νομίζω κάτι το υγιές και κάτι το οποίο φέρνει κυρίως καλές αλλαγές.
Το πρόβλημα είναι σε τι ψάχνω το ego boost, ότι ακόμα για κάποιον λόγο ψάχνω την προσωπική αναγνώριση και αξία σε βλακειούλες όπως τα παιχνίδια που έπαιξα ή τα βιβλία που διάβασα, πράγματα που σε τελική ανάλυση φαίνονται να έχουν σημασία μόνο στο ίντερνετ και πολύ λίγο ή καθόλου στην «πραγματική ζωή». Αν περνούσα λιγότερο χρόνο ονλάιν είμαι σίγουρος ότι θα ένιωθα πολύ λιγότερο αυτούς τους περίεργους ψυχαναγκασμούς. Κι όμως, οι περισσότερες προσπάθειες μου μέχρι σήμερα δεν ήταν τόσο ριζοσπαστικές ή αποτελεσματικές…
Με όλα αυτά, οι στόχοι μου, τουλάχιστον σε υποσυνείδητο επίπεδο, περιερίζονται και γίνονται εσωστρεφείς και καθόλου δημιουργικοί. Σκοτώνω τον δημιουργικό μου εαυτό κάθε μέρα με τις μαλακίες μου, προτιμώντας να μη ζω αλλά να σκαλώνω. Είχα διαβάσει κάποτε στο HighExistence ότι για να είσαι ευτυχισμένος-δηλαδή για να μην βαριέσαι- πρέπει η αναλογία δημιουργίας-κατανάλωσης σου να είναι το λιγότερο 1 προς 10. Ακούγεται πολύ, έτσι δεν είναι; Έτσι όμως έχουμε καταντήσει, να μας φαίνεται πολύ. Και έτσι όπως πάω εγώ, αυτή η αναλογία έχει ξεπεράσει το 1 προς 5000 και κάθε μέρα αυξάνεται, κι εγώ ποτέ δεν χορταίνω. Γιατί με σταματάω με την παθητικότητα της διαρκούς κατανάλωσης, πχ με το να παίζω και να διαβάζω; Γιατί αυτό είναι το εύκολο, το γνωστό. Αυτό το οποίο δεν χρειάζεται να περάσει την κρίση κανενός, ή να έχει την συμμετοχή κανενός εκτός του εαυτού μου. Μου επιτρέπει να περιορίστώ σε στόχους που η επίτευξή τους δεν θα με αναγκάσει να περάσω το κατώφλι της φούσκας μου.
Και να πεις ότι αυτές τις συνειδητοποιήσεις τις έκανα τώρα… Όχι, τις κάνω ξανά και ξανά χωρίς να αλλάζει κάτι πρακτικά.
Δεν λέω, έχω κάνει μεγάλα βήματα τον τελευταίο καιρό. Μεγαλώνω τα όρια του comfort zone μου, τολμάω περισσότερο, είμαι σε θέση να αμφισβητήσω τον εαυτό μου και τις παλιές μου συνήθειες (σχεδόν νιώθω άβολα όταν δεν το κάνω, άλλο θέμα από εκεί) και όταν μιλάω για κόμπλεξ κατωτερότητας, έχει περισσότερο να κάνει με τα υπολείμματα αυτού και όχι κάτι πραγματικά καταστρεπτικό. Είμαι πολύ πιο άνετος με την ιδέα ότι κάποιοι θα με αγαπάνε αλλά και κάποιοι αναγκαστικά θα με αντιπαθούνε και εμπιστεύομαι περισσότερο το ότι έχω κάτι να πω, κάτι να προσφέρω, το οποίο δεν θέλω να το κρίνω και θέλω να το προστατέψω. Για όλα αυτά είμαι περήφανος και ευχαρίστημενος, και με το δίκιο μου.
Με όλα αυτά όμως, είναι αστείο όταν με πιάνει το άγχος ότι δεν έπαιξα το τάδε ή το δείνα παιχνίδι, δεν είδα εκείνον ή εκείνην, δεν προετοίμασα το δώρο που είχα στο μυαλό μου, απέτυχα να κάνω και τα 55 πράγματα τα οποία χτες υποσχέθηκα στον εαυτό μου ότι θα έκανα γιατί είναι τόσο ενδιαφέροντα. Μάλλον κάποια πράγματα ποτέ δεν τα ξεπερνάς πραγματικά ποτέ, παρα πρέπει συνέχεια να είσαι σε επιφυλακή ώστε να θυμίζεις στον εαυτό σου ότι παρ’όλο που είναι κομμάτια του εαυτού σου δεν χρειάζεται να τα έχεις μαζί σου παντού και πάντα, μπορείς να υπάρξεις και χωρίς αυτά, τουλάχιστον μέχρι να αναγεννηθούν σε τυχαία στιγμή, δυνατότερα ή -ελπίζεις- πιο αδύναμα.
Όλα αυτά με εμποδίζουν να έχω τη ζωή που πραγματικά θα ήθελα να να έχω, αλλά είναι τάσεις και συνήθειες που δύσκολα κόβεις και αναθεωρείς, ακόμα κι αν ξέρεις ότι θα μπορούσες να κάνεις πολύ καλύτερα πράγματα με τον εαυτό σου…
A month ago I was halfway there; today, after the most exhausting run yet, I’m proud to say that I can run 5 kilometres and then some.
To be more precise, I finished Week 9 when I was in Loutra last week, but the distance I ran within the time limit of 30 minutes was 4k instead of 5. Today I did Podrunner’s Week 10 Graduation Run 1, which was 35 minutes long and at a higher BPM than usual (the whole idea of this podcast is to run with the beat provided – usually techno, house or electronic music indefinable by me). In the introduction for the graduation week it said that it would make me feel good about how far I’ve come and that I would find it easy to complete. It wasn’t easy at all, but I pushed through and finally did run 7 circuits of the Alsos in 35 minutes, with an unplanned 30 second pause to say hi to Alex and Ilias who I ran into while, um, running.
7 x 820m, which is the length of the circuit, equals 5740m. Considering that the Alsos isn’t flat (the highest point is 20m higher than the lowest one, which adds a bit to the difficulty level), I think I did quite well.
I only began running less than 2 months ago. It was October 5th that I did Week 1, Day 1. I had to run 60 seconds for every 90 seconds I had to walk, for 20 minutes. I’ve come far. I didn’t expect I would make progress this quickly, but here I am. HabitRPG, the proximity of the Alsos to home and the variety of places to run in to shake things up a bit – I had runs in Prespes, Loutra and Ommen, as well as the Alsos – probably helped. Another factor I still can’t say with certainty whether it helped or not but my gut says it did, was my abistence from PMs since the beginning; still experimenting with that one.
I will continue running, probably starting next week with Gateway to 8K or Bridge to 10K, I haven’t decided yet. Sofia will definitely find me running in the parks and pumping those legs! That post by The Oatmeal… Now I understand perfectly what he meant. I feel the same. It’s a goal, it’s exercise. I’m doing it for myself. What could the next challenge for me be?
I don’t want to toot my own horn here – at least, not just that, for if I didn’t want to boast just a little bit for achieving what I thought was something I could never do, I wouldn’t be posting here; no: I mainly want to encourage everyone to re-evaluate what you think is and isn’t possible and start with small steps in order to become whatever it is you would like to change into, or do whatever it is you would like to do. We tend to see the best of the best on the Web – that guy who walked across China, the other person who draws amazingly, the girl who can play the piano and take everyone within earshot for a trip – and we forget that there’s hard work, discipline, failures, self-doubt and probably years or decades of dedication that we never see. However, everything starts with something, “Rome wasn’t built in a day” or “Even the longest journey must begin where you stand” and I’m thankful that the Web isn’t just teaching us to constantly compare ourselves with the world’s best, but also provides us with the tools and community to start doing what it had never even occurred to us we could.
If you’re reading this review, you most probably belong to the group of people this book is targeted to: surfers of the net with accounts on multiple social networks, members of the “church of Google” (as Mr. Carr describes it in the book), all-around internet addicts but with the kind of soft addiction that hardly gets noticed, like drinking alcohol or thinking in clock time.
Actually, The Shallows makes many analogies on how the Internet has and will physically change our mind based precisely on the way clocks and even maps rewired the way we think — more mechanical, more abstract, more scientific. In the Web’s case, it’s also more up-to-date, more social, more ___ . You fill in the blanks with your favourite hip word used to describe how we’re all connected 24/7, how we’ve all got access to instant gratification/information, etc. I won’t trumpet the Web’s success in this review.
Marshall McLuhan, a pioneering media studies academic often referenced in the book, said that “our tools end up numbing whatever part of our body they amplify. When we extend some part of ourselves artificially, we also distance ourselves from the amplified part and its natural functions. […] Today’s industrial farm worker, sitting in his air-conditioned cage atop a gargantuan tractor, rarely touches the soil at all–though in a single day he can till a field that his hoe-wielding forebear cound not have turned in a month. When we’re behind the wheel of our car, we can go a far greater distance than we could cover on foot, but we lose the walker’s intimate connection to the land.” How would these analogies transfer to the information age? Which parts of us have been amplified as well as numbed by the Web? Are we conscious of these changes? Is it possible to really be aware of them when they have made us?
People gained a lot by inventing writing, books, maps, clocks, but always lost something in the process. Even though a lot is said about what was gained from the evolution of information technology throughout the ages (I should know that a lot is said, I studied cultural technology and communication!), there is little discussion in respect to what was lost with every new development. The human capacity for memory has definitely been one of the biggest sufferers: a punch from writing, a second one from printing, a kick from multimedia… The stab to the vital organ, however, is definitely coming from the Web. I don’t want to sound technophobic, I’m obviously far from it, but that doesn’t and shouldn’t stop me from observing my own loss of memory and ability to focus as it is being outsourced to the Web and related technologies, realising that my concentration, brain, interests and personaliy are being formed by the Medium Of The Most General Nature. If the Web proves to be the really great change it has already successfully shown and promised it shall further be, then there must be at least some discussion about which parts of us are most threatened by this new sacred technology and whether or not we should, in fact, duly sacrifice them for it.
The Shallows isn’t a perfect book but it does an excellent job of showing the darker side of what we’ve grown to love or use so much we never even think about (when was the last time you thought that writing and reading isn’t “natural” the same way speaking is?) In doing so, the book is quite fascinating. What it brings forward ought to be discussed this very moment, in the shaping years of this new technology, for change has never been this dramatic, so quick, what’s at stake has never been so important and far-reaching — both the potential liberating benefits as well as the dangers. I don’t have much hope there will actually be any discussion; just have a look at all other areas of importance and how great we’re doing with those. I do however appreciate that there is at least some pondering going on on what being human means and how the recent developments have changed this question as well as the questioners themselves.
I realise that people from antiquity all the way to more recent years have always welcomed the respective changes with similar scepticism. Socrates thought that writing would bring forgetfulness to the soul; the radio, it was feared, would kill books forever. Nevertheless, “we’re still here”, one might say, usually adding “better than ever”. We forget, of course, that there is no way of knowing what we used to be capable of. We can’t know what the human mind was before the universal adoption of every change, the same way we can’t know what a language sounded like in the days of old. Neither can we perhaps stop these changes from happening. But what we at the very least can do is talk and think about them. Be aware of them. The Shallows helps in that respect and therefore deserves the 5 stars.
If you haven’t been distracted from Facebook or some other flashy website away from this review already, do also have a look at the book’s review by The New York Times.
This was my Audible registration freeby. Because of the service’s horrible DRM I had to go through a multi-step procedure to get the files in MP3 on my mobile phone to listen to while walking around. Many thumbs down for counterintuitive marketing and copyright infringement boogeymen.
I first got to know about The Minimalists through their blog, their essays and their links to and from other awesome people with awesome blogs like Julien Smith or Leo Babauta. I thought they had some advanced ideas and wanted to get more in-depth. I thought, (mis)guided by the way they advertise the book, that by reading it I would be getting to enjoy content they don’t have on their blog. That is true to a certain extent: the complete backstory of Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus isn’t presented very clearly on the blog but the book features a whole chapter on the way the minimalists quit their six-figure salary jobs and set out on their quest for happiness and meaning. This chapter was the only one that contained information that was unknown to me. If one has already read their blog, their disection of the meaning of life into five pillars and related material won’t be very enlightening. It has some solid advice inspired by their lives and experiences as well as exercises anyone can do to find out how they can contribute more, be healthier, have more meaningful relationships etc. — all on the basis of minimalism. This information is geared, I felt, toward people that have never looked into minimalism before and works as a self-help, change-your-life guide, just like what the subtitle so magnanimously promises. If again one has read and enjoyed their essays, they might be disappointed by the lack of focus and depth. That is why I’d much sooner recommend their blog than this book.
Nevertheless, there is some value to this “finest, most important creation to date”: having a concise, basic yet radical handbook on the steps one must take to cut off the excess (the “excrement”, as Shevek would have it) is always useful if only for the connection the reader can have to the book, the physical presence which can work as a reminder for one to act on what they’ve learned. I might not own the printed book to look at and remember what I’ve learned, going through the notes the authors had asked me to make if I wanted to see progress and inspire change. I can appreciate, however, the fact that there is significant value in this kind of connection, a relationship which is much more difficult to cultivate on the web due to its apparent weaknessses: distractability, pluralism and low retention among them.
